Rick Astley at the grocery

Don't get your bees all a buzzin'. I did not see Rick 'the chipmunk' Astley at the grocery, I merely heard him. I was sitting down, slurping up my Broccoli Cheddar soup at the Dominicks at the little lunch space for employees and non-Dominicks-workers-with-nowhere-to-go when his lush pop tones perked up my eardrums. I was also eating big fluffy croissants from the Dominicks Fresh Bakery, I believe I ate two.

"It would take a strong, strong maaaan to ever let you go, to ever let you go, to ever let you go-o-o-oo."

That was an alright lunch. Some other happytone-soothymush came on, from about that same era, but then a funny thing happened. This older lady starts shopping through the Fresh Store section and she's older, like maybe 71, but she's taken good care of herself and she's got this tracksuit on - not a piece of crap tracksuit - but a clean, baby blue and white one, with sneakers and everything, and maybe she's a mallwalker and whatnot, and she looked like she was having fun. I think she was wearing big gangly earrings and lipstick to boot. I do not fancy the older crowd. But, over mouthfuls of brocco-ched that burned my poor mouth's roof, I thought to myself: I wonder what a good senior citizen pickup line is.

Picture the Viagra set at the new slick-*ss assisted living communities, strapping old lads, gossipy dames who've seen it all - widows of both sexes, people who may just be looking to spark some silver-haired lovin'. People always say you can meet people at the grocery, or at e-harmony or whatever.

I thought maybe some older dudes could get some mileage out of these lines:

Wanna come over and see my Viagra bottle collection?

You are soooo fine, like old wine. Wait, I think I meant young wine. Nevermind, you're like beer.

Bingo!

You must be tired. You've been motorized personal transporting around my head all day.

If I wasn't such a jack*ss, I might try something simple like 'You look wonderful today.' But then, you wouldn't look forward to reading this scrummy blog.

God bless you seniors - go get some of that love you deserve. And keep putting a smile on my face while I eat some mediocre soup in the middle of a crunk workday a long way off from retirement.

P.S. Rick Astley is the shizz.

Don't be a wanker

I decided to google 'wanker the clown.' This was among the returns...some advice for people working on their resume.

Conversations with Lia

"Lia, who's the boss? - Mommy or Daddy?"
"Lia."

"Lia, you can't jump on my neck."

The sauce IS the boss

So we had a nice bbq dinner at Sweet Baby Ray's restaurant. O what tangy, gastronomic, fine quality. It was all quite outstanding, especially the beef brisket. Too bad, no room for dessert - that will be remedied next time, and there will be many next times. The sides were out-of-control delicious, which always isn't the case for a bbq joint. We had the maque choux, the green-chili mac and cheese and the sweet potato fries. The spicing was right-on rock and roll and the cornbread tasted like butter and gold with the perfect consistency. Man, I want more bbq. A couple pints of Fat Tire make it even better mmmmm.

Words for our times

Meaty lyric of the day:
Bring the fire, grill that Oscar Mayer - Dynamic Dominicans of Reggaeton

Fly lyric of the day:
Good grief girl, you're givin' me goosebumps, standin' there in your underwear and new pumps - Gym Class Heroes

Currents

Here's some of what I been up to:

Current read: Robert Wilson's latest - I think it's called The Hidden Assasins. How could the plot be any thicker? I feel like I don't know what the book's about and I'm like a third through. The writing's good, though I'm unfocused...dude's a trusted writer.

Current listen: Gym Class Heroes - if you ever at all had the notion to shake yer *ss, then you'll enjoy it - tracks 3 & 4 are party/car jams...it's kind of like a mix between Kanye & K-os with extra flavor. Lively!

Current screens: Golden Compass, Atonement, PS I Love You, National Treasurer... In order: whimsically entertaining, visually seductive with creepy soundtrack, somewhat surprisingly watchable and laughy...but it's length might make yer *ss sore, nice thrills with good roles for Ed Harris and a Nic Cage that didn't look that old there.

Other currents: Lia's trainset! It's awesome...pics to follow soon...(Track of the Day!).