We Got Games: invest for the holidays

My new venture aims to turn the hot-as-muffins video game industry on its head. Several game titles are currently in pre-pre-production and are slated to hit store shelves on the last Tuesday before Christmas. Capitalize now. Certain segments of the gaming audience are vastly underserved and Poo Games will fill the void. Below are snapshots of the titles in pre-pre-pre-production, along with pre-production and production schedules.

Revolution Revolution Dance
Projected to be our number-one mover. Picture yourself as a Founding Father, a Bolshevik or Che. You will be given staccato-speed steps to foment uprisings. Down with the establishment, left, right, left, right, rally, fix bayonets, coup, up, down, declare a manifesto, burn things, reconnoiter a hilltop, subsist on bread, hang out with artists, eat communal means, believe. You must follow the moves precisely, or face a terribly uncertain fate. It's Revolution Revolution Dance. Don't let sweaty Asian kids and my nephew have all the fun.

Guitar He Row
It's the latest in the instrument-tronic segment. You are Clapton or The Edge or Michael Nesmith. Up a creek in an authentic Native American dugout canoe. No oars. You must row with your guitar. The water here is turbulent and cold. Guitar He Row - the will-be-smash-hit prequel to Err Guitar: Poisonesque. Make it to the Last Stage, and there's a duet with Kylie Minogue.

Hallo 3
Weapons-centered role-playing at its best. Armed with a brollie (umbrella, chaps!) you are a dapper Brit roaming the hillsides of Bath and Yorkshire in hat and tails. You are also armed with a saccharine personality and a monacle/throwing star. The monacle/throwing star is a last resort. Your mission - your survival depends on it - is to vagabond the countryside, killing people with kindness - pip pip cheerio, you don't say, marvelous, I'm afraid I'm out of tea, O bother. 46 levels of dazzlingly ruthless personal niceties. Not for the faint of heart - get a case of RockStar Energy Drink and prepare to ice down your thumb.

Nin Ten Doh Oui
Oui is the initial offering bundled with our new Nin Ten Do Sensory Gaming System. You are an Americain in the battleground of Paris. You must make it to Versailles or you will be crushed with a thousand hot dogs. As you walk the streets of the City of Light, French people will talk to you, angrily, asking questions, making demands, gesturing and speaking French. Do you answer their questions with oui or non? In a pinch, you must slap people, by moving the controller rapidly across your body. Escape the hot dogs and you will have a crepes treat and a showing of all Juliette Binoche and Julie Delpy films. Beware the shadows in the 81st Arrondissement and lovers along the Seine. Fellow Americans are your worst enemy. Also, watch out for NTDO's Donkey Con: Gorilla Badass - details to follow.

*Q4 Ramp Up
Our consultants suggest production commence immediately in Tegucigalpa and the Chinese province of O Lead No. An IPO is being talked about. Our burn rate at this time is >$3,000,000 (billions, squared) per two days. Game titles will first ship to Alaskan U.S. military installations. All titles should be broadly availabe the Wednesday before Christmas. Disregard any packaging referring to 'a warranty.' This document contains certain forward looking statements, such as 'City of Light', 'your thumb' and 'Michael Nesmith'. No performance is indicative of any performance. Poo Games and its trademarks-in-pre-pre-processing 'Get Flushed', 'Our Games Don't Stink' and 'Got TP?' are not licensed for anything.

Heard in the handbags department

All these purses are ugly. (Macy's)

She's doing a lot of drugs, and stealing stuff.
Like, what kind of drugs?
A lot. I don't really talk to her anymore. She's doing a lot of drugs. (Nordstrom)

BTW - bonus shopping tip - If you have a coupon or mailed discount card for a particular department store, other department stores may have a policy to honor it. If they don't, you may at least get a reply like "come back on December 6th, that's when our sale is" (20 percent is a big deal for purses, since designer collections are rarely included in most sales.)

Hey gobble, gobble

From: Turkey
To: You with fork, eyeing me

Happy Thanksgiving! May you and yours truly enjoy a wonderful holiday together. I will await a different fate, but I do encourage you to eat, drink and be merry.

I do also have some suggestions that may - pardon the pun - alter the course of your Thanksgiving. If I may be so bold as to suggest that, if I were you, about to eat me, I'd go with some sweet mashed potatoes, and maybe some Southern vegetables, perhaps that's because North Carolina, Arkansas, Virginia and Missouri are among the nation's leading turkey farming states.

I also feel like having a little bit of red wine. But you know, I hear red wine goes really, really well with steak, maybe try that this holiday.

And I might be stretching out my neck here...wait, that's the butcher...nevermind, but you might also be able to pretend that you're from some far-flung European hamlet, where pheasant is much more enjoyable than turkey.

If Europe's not your thing, how about Turkey itself! The Turkish enjoy lamb, baklava, anchovies and Turkish coffee!

Again, I hope I didn't ruffle your feathers, just as you were about to ruffle mine, but please do enjoy a wonderful and splendid holiday meal with your family, and don't forget to give thanks.

I gotta run. Or maybe fly - I can do that you know, and very fast.

Let me just leave you with this: You don't eat the Easter Bunny, right?

Halfway to 66

I guess I'm turning 33 tomorrow. Here's some useful/useless 33 trivia.

the diriigible R-33

the horse at 33-to-1

33 Hours in the Life of God

Adult Mickey Mouse clubhouse

What a number

Russia A to Z?

French is spoken there

Dot-common

It's hot tip time, baby! Calling all would-be domain squatters: I've done some sleuthing in order for you to become the next decades-younger, mouse-clicking Internet 3.5 Warren Buffett-type. Buy these dot-coms while they're HOT HOT HOT and then dance like a forty-niner because they are pure GOLD.

Forget hulagirl and hulaboy - hulainfant.com can be yours!

Combine your love for humor and combat sports - mixedmartialfarts.com...and honestly, who's gonna go to enterthedragon.com...when you will provide the web's best ka-ra-TAY, fist-slammin' and joint-crackin' content on help-im-in-thedragon.com!

I know you really wanted blahblahblah.com, but you know what...blahblahblaaaaaaah.com is even better. Really, that is exceptional.

This one makes me mad: Some cybersquatmongers already have starfruit.com and papaya.com...and fig.com exists as a liposuction site. But you can claim all rights to starfigpaya.com! Don't wait, you'll just feel like a pineapple later.

Do not ignore the foreign language market! Too bad ihatefrench.com and jorgewbush.com have been snapped up, but here's the real market-leading Bush site alternative that you can own: jorge-w-arbusto.com.

If you wanna go from working at someone's business, to ruling your own domain biz, this is the SPOT, because you can be content royalty when it comes to sites about the office. I'm sad to inform you that someone with faster brainpower has already gotten hold of memotoself.com (weird), nice-tie.com and nice-hat.com. But here's what's available:

copiersbrokenagain.com
crappy-handhshake.com
buypensinvolume.com or holycrap-ballpointpens.com
idontwannacall-i-t.com

NUTSHELL: All web domain matters involve risk, and the above contains forward-looking statements. But this is not the same as the mortgage crisis. Empty your wallets now. Forwardlookingstatement.com is for sale.

Hustle and Cash-flo

Let's save some money, shall we? Full-effect Christmas shopping is about to jump in front of everyone...so with that in mind, and also the fact that some of my ex-coworkers have gotten a recent layoff, here are some tips to save you a little dough.

Greasy: Don't pay full price for an oil change! Lube shops often take competitor coupons, or you can always just plain ask "for a little off". It's been a while since I paid full price. Maybe they'll push back, and so will you, but then you can remind them about how you recently saw their guy outside sporting a "$14.95 oil change right now" sandwich board. $29.95? Booo.

Shiny: If you're gonna drop some big coin at the gem shop, ask for a discount. I have been approached very quickly about 30-percent off on a very nice Swiss watch brand. I was already walking around with a previous shiny buy, so I didn't feel like shelling $550+ or whatever the thing would be. Buuuuuuut, a few doors down at another mall bling shop - less pricey - I spied a nice watch and said something like "hey man, can you do 30-percent off this one?" Reply: calculator out...buttons pushed..."yea." Caution: you'll look foolish if you try this one at like Tiffany's or C.D. Peacock.

Eggy: Simple. Buy the 18-egg pack over the dozen. You will eat them. And if you think they'll go stale, make yourself a huge-ass frittata. The thing will last for days and you can eat it whenever. How 'bout a beer with that? More butter and salt, and you got yourself a tapas party, if you just cook up more tapas.

Paper-y: Go with bargain-basement toilet paper. For all bathrooms that are not the master bath. Sorry guys. Or even cheapify it for your own patootie, if you need all the quarters you can spare. But I'm keeping the fluffy Cottonelle or its sister brand Charmin...because that's how I unroll.

Webby: Do sign up for retail rewards programs - you're likely to get more email coupons than you could shake a wreath at. I've already netted 40-percent off on some crunk from Borders. If I motor out to the shopping hinterlands, (beautiful Huntley, IL) I think another 40-70 percent off awaits me in a couple days. Read the fine print to see if you can opt out of third-party info sharing.

Goodie, you've saved enough for a grande redeye at Starbucks. Now you're back to zero, or at least I am.

They defend the Constitution

We're talking about America's military men and women. In honor of Veteran's Day, here's a pic of "Shoo Shoo Baby" a B-17 bomber at the National Museum of the USAF in Dayton, OH. If you like planes or military history, this is the place for you: it's free, you can easily spend two days there, there's lots of stuff for kids to see (some stuff you can touch) and there's a lot of impressive military air power - including an F-4 Phantom, a 'Fork-tailed Devil,' a B-2 stealth bomber, a Raptor and a nasty AC-130 gunship named "Azrael, Angel of Death." They also have five former Air Force One's and an R & D hangar - budget time for that stuff.

Closer to home, there's other places that honor military members: Cantigny in Wheaton features a museum dedicated to the Army's "Big Red One" - the First Infantry Division. On Chicago's Lake Michigan shore, if you wanna get away from the bustle of Oak Street Beach and Navy Pier, you can walk through Olive Park (may be under construction), dedicated to young American serviceman Milton L. Olive, III who saved his comrades lives and lost his in Vietnam. There's also the National Vietnam Veterans Art Museumin Chicago. And if you're ever going through Indy, there's several large war memorials.

Antler-ific

This is a shot of Lia on our recent trip to Dayton, OH, taken at the Aullwood Audubon Center - highly recommend the place. If you're ever there, you gotta check out the bluegill pond - you might be the only one enjoying the scenery for a long time. Aside from the antlers in the pic, Lia got to see all kinds of antlers at the new Cabela's store - the outfitter chain has two stores now in IL. They have bears, sheep, a marten, an elephant, a bunch of deer and caribou and more. They also have a nice two-wall aquarium with bass, trout and other fish and a slick shooting gallery. Been there a couple times in the last week. Too bad it's not closer to home.

Happy Birthday Marine Corps

"A bitching Marine is a happy Marine. When a Marine stops bitching, you better keep an eye out." - Norman North, retired Chief Warrant Officer-3 and Facilities Manager at the National Museum of the Marine Corps.

The Leathernecks celebrate their 232nd birthday today - on this day in 1775, the Second Continental Congress decided on the need to form a couple battalions of American Marines. Wanna learn more about the Eagle, Globe and Anchor and the meaning of Semper Fidelis? - Here's the official Marines page, the Marines recruiting page and the site for the National Musuem of the Marine Corps...Norm North reminds me that it's free, and "you won't be disappointed." If you're so inclined, you can ask Mr. North how a Marine makes toilet paper last a long time. Interesting.

Snoozers everywhere

Public sleeping is tearing this country apart. Fine, it's not, but I'm seeing lots of people taking a good little snooze wherever there seems to be a chair. I'm talking at the Borders (2), at the mall (at least 3) and at the World Boxing Championships the other week (at least 2)...I mean it was a little dark and all and you could stretch out because not too many fight fans were out at 3 p.m., but really, guys were getting their melon cages rocked loudly steps away. I haven't seen any females dreamy-timin' it, but apparently the public snoozing is a hit with everybody in Japan - nice pics, one with a good ewww factor at the bottom.

NY style, highrise boom and free stuff

I had some New York-style pizza for the first time in a long time. Man, it was good. My buddy Greg and I demolished a 16-inch from Chicago's Cafe Luigi. The meats we had them drop on top were a bit of savory sausage (ground) and bacon. Mmmm. I'm sure I'll eat there again. It's a mom and pop hole in the wall in Lincoln Park.

Towards the other end of town the other day, I did something I hadn't done in a while; I counted the number of construction cranes I could see from my car. This was eastbound on Roosevelt. I spotted nine. It's a buyers' market for all you would-be highrise residents. About six years ago, you could always count on spotting between four and seven cranes from that stretch of road.

That drive ended up taking me past Columbia College and the Museum of Contemporary Photography. I thought I'd check out my friend Theresa's what-to-do web site for other free museums. They include: The Chicago Fed Money Museum, The International Museum of Surgical Science-on Thurdays, The Art Institute and the Chicago Children's Museum are free Thursday evenings starting at 5. The Museum of Contemporary Art is free through November 14.

The Windy City Test

How'd it go? Chicago's hoping it landed an impressive uppercut as it seeks hosting privileges for the 2016 Summer Olympics - the World Boxing Championships are winding down here. I talked to some folks throwing punches or watching the competition among the 681 boxers from 119 countries.

"Absolutely." - Turkish boxer Yakup Kilic's answer on whether Chicago'd be a good Oly host..."They're very happy, the people at the hotel. They like the Turkish people for some reason." He's qualified to box at the Beijing Games next year.

"I saw some in there that need to go back to the gym." - 86-year old lifelong fight fan Aretha Gipson on the boxers...but she says she'd still go and see the games.

"There are very nice places where you can take pictures. There's a lot of nationalities, I like to do portraits here. The atmosphere, I like this city, the people are nice." - Photojournalist Iza Marchlenska of Poland.

"I got a kick out of that, that was pretty awesome." - U.S. boxer Shawn Estrada of L.A. on the Sears Tower. He lost in prelims but says he's sure to earn a Beijing birth at the next qualifier in Trinidad and Tobago.

"All fighters are nice guys." - Ubiquitous Cubs cheerleader Ronnie "Woo Woo" Wickers, who came down to the fights in boxing gloves and Cubby Blue.

Ahem

So yea, here it is. For your eyeballs only. Entertainment and information. I blog, you diss-ide. Or don't. Enjoy.