Hey gobble, gobble

From: Turkey
To: You with fork, eyeing me

Happy Thanksgiving! May you and yours truly enjoy a wonderful holiday together. I will await a different fate, but I do encourage you to eat, drink and be merry.

I do also have some suggestions that may - pardon the pun - alter the course of your Thanksgiving. If I may be so bold as to suggest that, if I were you, about to eat me, I'd go with some sweet mashed potatoes, and maybe some Southern vegetables, perhaps that's because North Carolina, Arkansas, Virginia and Missouri are among the nation's leading turkey farming states.

I also feel like having a little bit of red wine. But you know, I hear red wine goes really, really well with steak, maybe try that this holiday.

And I might be stretching out my neck here...wait, that's the butcher...nevermind, but you might also be able to pretend that you're from some far-flung European hamlet, where pheasant is much more enjoyable than turkey.

If Europe's not your thing, how about Turkey itself! The Turkish enjoy lamb, baklava, anchovies and Turkish coffee!

Again, I hope I didn't ruffle your feathers, just as you were about to ruffle mine, but please do enjoy a wonderful and splendid holiday meal with your family, and don't forget to give thanks.

I gotta run. Or maybe fly - I can do that you know, and very fast.

Let me just leave you with this: You don't eat the Easter Bunny, right?