We Got Games: invest for the holidays

My new venture aims to turn the hot-as-muffins video game industry on its head. Several game titles are currently in pre-pre-production and are slated to hit store shelves on the last Tuesday before Christmas. Capitalize now. Certain segments of the gaming audience are vastly underserved and Poo Games will fill the void. Below are snapshots of the titles in pre-pre-pre-production, along with pre-production and production schedules.

Revolution Revolution Dance
Projected to be our number-one mover. Picture yourself as a Founding Father, a Bolshevik or Che. You will be given staccato-speed steps to foment uprisings. Down with the establishment, left, right, left, right, rally, fix bayonets, coup, up, down, declare a manifesto, burn things, reconnoiter a hilltop, subsist on bread, hang out with artists, eat communal means, believe. You must follow the moves precisely, or face a terribly uncertain fate. It's Revolution Revolution Dance. Don't let sweaty Asian kids and my nephew have all the fun.

Guitar He Row
It's the latest in the instrument-tronic segment. You are Clapton or The Edge or Michael Nesmith. Up a creek in an authentic Native American dugout canoe. No oars. You must row with your guitar. The water here is turbulent and cold. Guitar He Row - the will-be-smash-hit prequel to Err Guitar: Poisonesque. Make it to the Last Stage, and there's a duet with Kylie Minogue.

Hallo 3
Weapons-centered role-playing at its best. Armed with a brollie (umbrella, chaps!) you are a dapper Brit roaming the hillsides of Bath and Yorkshire in hat and tails. You are also armed with a saccharine personality and a monacle/throwing star. The monacle/throwing star is a last resort. Your mission - your survival depends on it - is to vagabond the countryside, killing people with kindness - pip pip cheerio, you don't say, marvelous, I'm afraid I'm out of tea, O bother. 46 levels of dazzlingly ruthless personal niceties. Not for the faint of heart - get a case of RockStar Energy Drink and prepare to ice down your thumb.

Nin Ten Doh Oui
Oui is the initial offering bundled with our new Nin Ten Do Sensory Gaming System. You are an Americain in the battleground of Paris. You must make it to Versailles or you will be crushed with a thousand hot dogs. As you walk the streets of the City of Light, French people will talk to you, angrily, asking questions, making demands, gesturing and speaking French. Do you answer their questions with oui or non? In a pinch, you must slap people, by moving the controller rapidly across your body. Escape the hot dogs and you will have a crepes treat and a showing of all Juliette Binoche and Julie Delpy films. Beware the shadows in the 81st Arrondissement and lovers along the Seine. Fellow Americans are your worst enemy. Also, watch out for NTDO's Donkey Con: Gorilla Badass - details to follow.

*Q4 Ramp Up
Our consultants suggest production commence immediately in Tegucigalpa and the Chinese province of O Lead No. An IPO is being talked about. Our burn rate at this time is >$3,000,000 (billions, squared) per two days. Game titles will first ship to Alaskan U.S. military installations. All titles should be broadly availabe the Wednesday before Christmas. Disregard any packaging referring to 'a warranty.' This document contains certain forward looking statements, such as 'City of Light', 'your thumb' and 'Michael Nesmith'. No performance is indicative of any performance. Poo Games and its trademarks-in-pre-pre-processing 'Get Flushed', 'Our Games Don't Stink' and 'Got TP?' are not licensed for anything.