Rick Astley at the grocery

Don't get your bees all a buzzin'. I did not see Rick 'the chipmunk' Astley at the grocery, I merely heard him. I was sitting down, slurping up my Broccoli Cheddar soup at the Dominicks at the little lunch space for employees and non-Dominicks-workers-with-nowhere-to-go when his lush pop tones perked up my eardrums. I was also eating big fluffy croissants from the Dominicks Fresh Bakery, I believe I ate two.

"It would take a strong, strong maaaan to ever let you go, to ever let you go, to ever let you go-o-o-oo."

That was an alright lunch. Some other happytone-soothymush came on, from about that same era, but then a funny thing happened. This older lady starts shopping through the Fresh Store section and she's older, like maybe 71, but she's taken good care of herself and she's got this tracksuit on - not a piece of crap tracksuit - but a clean, baby blue and white one, with sneakers and everything, and maybe she's a mallwalker and whatnot, and she looked like she was having fun. I think she was wearing big gangly earrings and lipstick to boot. I do not fancy the older crowd. But, over mouthfuls of brocco-ched that burned my poor mouth's roof, I thought to myself: I wonder what a good senior citizen pickup line is.

Picture the Viagra set at the new slick-*ss assisted living communities, strapping old lads, gossipy dames who've seen it all - widows of both sexes, people who may just be looking to spark some silver-haired lovin'. People always say you can meet people at the grocery, or at e-harmony or whatever.

I thought maybe some older dudes could get some mileage out of these lines:

Wanna come over and see my Viagra bottle collection?

You are soooo fine, like old wine. Wait, I think I meant young wine. Nevermind, you're like beer.

Bingo!

You must be tired. You've been motorized personal transporting around my head all day.

If I wasn't such a jack*ss, I might try something simple like 'You look wonderful today.' But then, you wouldn't look forward to reading this scrummy blog.

God bless you seniors - go get some of that love you deserve. And keep putting a smile on my face while I eat some mediocre soup in the middle of a crunk workday a long way off from retirement.

P.S. Rick Astley is the shizz.